alone

i saw the movie "babel" the other day and i have concluded that the entire 143 minute film speaks deeply of loneliness in the major characters, and thus humans in general. the final few minutes seem to reveal that this loneliness is a product of we humans: poor immigration policy, failure to cope with tragedy, disability, language barriers and the fallout of a shot heard around the world in a brotherly competition gone awry. somehow, says the film, we humans are collectively at fault and individually at the mercy of our collective behavior.

it's interesting to me that i watched this movie my first night in our new apartment in mission because i'm pretty much alone in this town for a bit. not that this is a bad thing necessarily; i think i can learn as much about myself on my own as i can surrounded by others. this time is especially tough having been married for a year and some and gotten used to (and enjoying) having my favorite around all the time. [so true, the words of bill withers: "ain't no sunshine when she's gone."]

what struck me is that loneliness is not a place. it is not a matter of how many people you know or how big your city is. it is a longing for community, for interaction. it is the realization that relationships define us on the most basic of levels, and without others (especially those close to us), we lose track of who we are and what we're doing here. who are we and what are we doing here? these questions are difficult enough in the presence of others, because they are so obvious. "i'm his friend and we're going to do this" or "she's my co-worker and we must finish this project." yet when we're alone, we are confronted with ourselves. often, that is too much too bear and distractions are sought out that we might not face the difficult depths of who we are: beauty, dirt, confusion and inadequacy all exposed.